I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
