I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
