I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups