Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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