now i know why i became what i already was.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
