when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
