I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
