You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
