You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
