I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
