so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
