I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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