I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
