I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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