It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
