nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
