she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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