I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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