You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
