drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
