I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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