mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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