I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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