Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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