I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
