meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
