Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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