We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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