He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
