I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
