Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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