My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
