I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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