my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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