I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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