You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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