Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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