i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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