I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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