i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
