Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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