well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
