cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
