Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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