and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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