I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
