how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
