I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
worst night to have a conscience
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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