the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he thought i was a dude.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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