she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I did not marry a roomba.
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