Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
