I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
