I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
