Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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