I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
