She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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