I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
