i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
