You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
