my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
