im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
