Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
