Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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