I need help removing her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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