We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
